Dating and courtship practices
She was homeschooled her whole life, raised in a cultic church and with the principles taught by Bill Gothard and IBLP.
Students who have survived Gothardism tend to end up at a wide variety of places on the spiritual and theological spectrum, thus the diversity of opinions expressed on this website reflects that. Darcy is a seeker, Jesus-lover, and a bit of a rebel.
The goal is to help the couple get to know each other on a friendship level before becoming romantic.
The presence of others also helps limit opportunities for sexual activity, which bring us to the next point ...
I define “emotional purity” in the same way that popular homeschool writers have: it is the idea of “guarding your heart.” This sounds all noble and righteous and everything but in this context is really just a facade for fear. It was Josh Harris in and the Ludy’s in several of their books that popularized the idea that everytime you fall in love or get “emotionally attached” to someone, you give away a piece of your heart. Pride because suddenly you are better than everyone else. I am still uncomfortable hugging one of my best friends who is a guy because we were taught never to hug or have physical contact, even innocent, with a guy. We were taught never ever ever to be alone with a guy because it could look bad.
The more pieces you give away, the less of your heart you have to give to your spouse someday. my best friend, my sisters, my husband, my parents, my kids.
It somehow validates my belief that some of the teachings I grew up with were very wrong. I rejected the teachings of courtship and emotional purity when I was 19. In fact, I have identified several ways that these teachings can damage a person’s heart. Shame because that’s “sinful” and “emotionally impure.” Shame because it sets a standard and proclaims that you are somehow shameful if you cannot keep it. Because your heart is whole and she just gave a piece of hers to a guy she isn’t married to. You have more to give your future husband than she does. This has nothing to do with the righteousness and grace of God, and everything to do with the accomplishments of man. I was trying to explain this to my friend, and it came out sounding so .
So, Mom and Dad are allowed to counsel their son if they feel he is compromising the woman in any way.
It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change.
Nowadays, one-on-one date nights are basic protocol for people in relationships.
While the same applies to many courting couples, traditional courtship encourages group dates before private time.
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